NO-DRAMA DISCIPLINE by Daniel Siegel and Tina Bryson

This read offers us a captivating look into the developing minds of young children and how disciplinary methods can have either a positive or negative impact upon them.

It’s an invitation to try and do better since we now know better, when it comes to parenting and kids’ developing brains.

The whole idea of “no-drama discipline” is to connect and redirect.

• Connection needs to happen first because it moves a child from a reactive state into a receptive one, it builds the brain in a nurturing way, it helps the child develop an internal moral compass and it deepens your relationship with your child.

  • For example, instead on focusing only on the behaviour, get curious and ask yourself why is the child acting this way, what emotions might be behind that behaviour.

  • What you say is important but more important is how you say it.

  • Communicating comfort can quickly defuse a heated situation. Giving a loving touch and getting to eye level can go a long way.

  • Validate and acknowledge the feelings behind the behaviour. Even when we say no to children’s behaviour, we always want to say yes to their emotions and to the way they experience things.

  • Connection, not punishment, prepares the brain to receive feedback.

• Redirection is about asking yourself what lesson can you teach your child in that moment. Discipline is in fact about teaching, and how can you best do it.

  • Before we teach, we connect. The first step here is to wait until both you and your child have cooled off and are ready to address the issue in a non-threatening way.

  • Help kids understand their own feelings and their responses to difficult situations.

  • Give them practice reflecting on how their actions impact others.

  • Ask kids what they can do to make things right. Involve them in the discipline.

  • Positive statements are far more likely to encourage cooperation from your child compared to threats.

I love the method that the authors are reinforcing in this book. Discipline is essential and our kids need us to set clear and consistent boundaries for them, predictable structure, as well as holding high expectations but it should never come with threads, humiliation or pain.

Effective discipline depends on a loving, respectful relationship between adult and child.

“We now know that the way to help a child develop optimally is to help create connections in her brain—her whole brain—that develop skills that lead to better relationships, better mental health, and more meaningful lives. You could call it brain sculpting, or brain nourishing, or brain building. Whatever phrase you prefer, the point is crucial, and thrilling: as a result of the words we use and the actions we take, children’s brains will actually change, and be built, as they undergo new experiences.”